The list for Happiness.

And so, I was asked... what is happiness?
How does one attain such a goal?

My automatic response was that first and foremost, happiness must come from within, not without. There is always something shitty going on in your situation, and your moods can be completely dependent upon your outside situation, and the people you interact with, or you can become happy yourself, regardless of the many negative things that may or may not happen to you.

This is the basic fundamental aspect of what I am searching for. I think I have tried too hard to change (without success) the things around me, when really what I need is adaptation and inner strength.

yes, one day I would love to have a relationship again. But not just any old crap relationship. A good one, solid and honest, laced with equality, mutual respect, compassion, empathy, loyalty, and strength. The problem I cannot seem to surmount right now is the ever-increasing proof piling at my feet about how all men in my life fail me.
the 2 latest examples are the most painful when it comes to this realization. They flake, they bail, they hide. They act so strong and secure when really inside they crack, and then out of the blue they dissapear. I cannot trust in the strength of men. Again and again they fail, fail, fail.

*sigh* I do not know what to do with this emotion. It's very strong. I do not feel it is fair, nor accurate, but when all of the experience in my life screams this message, it is difficult to deny.

I know several things must change before I am ready for any real relationship again. one is this attitude. But I must ask ... how foolish am I to fling myself into the arms of somebody who will inevitably drop me on my head? I do not have blind faith. I am careful about who I trust, and even with all this precaution, I am left with a concussion, sitting up to look around and be alone. wtf. I'm better of sitting there alone without being dropped on my head first, thanks.

I am quite determined to be complete within myself. I do not buy into the philosophy that I must find another half. I must be a whole person, and find another whole person. I can have this with my female friends. Why is it so difficult to have with the male of the species?

Alright. So. That being said about internal happiness, I must move on to what I want to acheive in my lifetime, beyond my "list of things to do before I die"
what can I say? I like lists.

I want a career that's emotionally, mentally, intelectually fulfilling. The pay dosen't have to be great. Enough to may my bills with relative ease, and go travelling every year or two.

Relationship: see above

I want to live someplace stable but modest. Not too much stuff. simple and fulfilling.

I want a relationship with my family members. The one I have now is hollow, distant, and dissapointing, not to mention frustrating!!

I am very happy with the friends I have now. Few, close, and high-quality people.

I want to learn more. Every day. Never stop. Continue to educate myself, continue to be up-to-date on current events, but not to become cynical, jaded, and depressed by the things I cannot change. I do not want to lose all hope in humanity.

I want to address and let go of the things that cause me pain in life. Truly let them go. Not just ignoring them, burying them, and I want to do it without having to have a certain reaction from anybody else. I want to be able to find closure within myself.

And... I want a cat. One as cool as Misty. Cuz she was fucking amazing.